War of the Copenhagen
by amy jonas
Summary: The Gunmen and Yves visit their old friend Spike


War of the Copenhagens By: Amy Jonas Catagory: gen/het.humor Rating: PG Archieve: If ya want it, take it Disclaimers: Fox and other people own them Spoilers/References: Maximum Byers because of Spike, I guess  
  
Agent Jana Shelly cautiously reached out, grasping the doorknob and slowly opened the door. Heavy darkness met her and she snapped on her flashlight but even its beam failed to penetrate the black. She took a step, passing the doorframe when she felt something land on her. In fact, she felt something like a heavy rain pelting her. Quickly she cast about for a light switch, finding one she flipped it on, flooding the room with light. She wished she hadn't, for out of the ceiling, thousands of cockroaches were falling, blanketing the floor. It was then she realized that the roaches were all over her body, her hair and still falling on top of her. Nausea , disgust and fear all rippled within her until..  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"CUT!"  
  
A bell sounded throughout the room that was obviously a closed movie set. A man leaped from a chair marked 'Director' and stormed over to the hapless actress that had nearly put faster than a speeding bullet to the test in order to flee the still falling cockroaches.  
  
"GET THEM OFF!! GET THEM OFF!!" She screamed, jumping up and down, swatting at the roaches still crawling in her hair.  
  
The director, ignoring her shrieks, yelled, "Do you call that a scream? That sounded like a bullfrog on prozac! My dog can scream more like a woman than you can!" He did a 180 degree turn and bellowed. "Atherton!"  
  
A large black man came rushing from off camera. "Miss. Douglas, don't jump around like that, you'll only scare them." His voice became tender and gentle as he began plucking roaches from the woman's hair. "Daddy's here, it's ok."  
  
The Director shot daggers at his star as she ran weeping toward her trailer. "Where's Jackson? Jox Multon is in the next scene! He better not be watching porn and pretending it's research!" The Director stormed off screaming. "LUNCH!"  
  
Various movie crew members dropped what they were doing and vanished to take advantage of the break, leaving Spike Atherton standing in the middle of the scene softly murmuring to his pets.  
  
"Hey Spike!"  
  
Spike glanced up to see the Lone Gunmen and Yves walking toward him. His face lit up in a broad smile to see his friends. "Jimmy!" He wrapped the other man in a bear hug then turned to Frohike, Byers, Langly and Yves, hugging them in turn.  
  
Jimmy looked around the empty studio. "Did we miss the movie?"  
  
"Nope," Spike said proudly. "We just broke for lunch. Boy, it sure is good you guys could come and see me at work."  
  
"We wouldn't have missed it," Langly exclaimed. "Getting to see a movie being made is exciting."  
  
"Check this out, Byers," Frohike said, pointing to a wall. They looked at the glossy poster on the wall. Above a man and woman, looking suspiciously like Agents Mulder and Scully, were the words: War of the Copenhagens. A movie based on secret government files. "Hey that actress even looks a little like Scully."  
  
Jimmy had been circling around, taking in all the props and fake scenery. "This is like so cool, Spike. You're a cockroach wrangler for the movies!"  
  
Langly joined Jimmy and they continued to admire the realistic setting while the others talked to Spike.  
  
"Hey, what's behind this door?" Langly asked. Without waiting for an answer, he opened the door. It was dark and he couldn't see inside. "Hey Jimmy, look, I'm walking into a dark and scary room."  
  
Jimmy, grinning in mock horror, said, "Don't do it, Langly. You don't know what might be in there!"  
  
"Cover me, I'm going in!" Langly quipped. He stepped into the darkness, instantly hearing something crunch underfoot. What was that noise? He froze uncertainly, no longer thinking this was fun. He needed to see, needed some light. He reached out blindly for a light switch. He blinked at the surge of light and for a moment, all he saw was a squirming, wiggling mass of black on the floor. He blinked again but the floor was still moving. A sick feeling swept through him and he slowly backed out of the room. "Co -cock - Cockroaches," he whispered, eyes going wide behind his thick black glasses. It was then he felt something burrowing in his hair. Nausea rose in his throat as he felt tiny legs scurrying on his scalp.  
  
Langly went beyond nausea.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Langly ran toward Jimmy, shaking his head and leaping around. "IT"S IN MY HAIR!! IT"S IN MY HAIR! GET IT OUT!! " It was both a scream and a sob, bringing Byers, Langly, Frohike and Yves running over. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Langly wildly swung his hands around his head as if he wanted to beat at his hair but was afraid of ending up with mushed cockroaches.  
  
Frohike burst out laughing while Byers, Jimmy and Yves looked on in concern but didn't move to help him.  
  
"Wait, Langly. Stand still." Spike said, attempting to pick the gleaming black roach out of Langly's long blond hair. Langly was still jumping around, flailing his arms but at least his screeches had quieted to baleful whimpers. Finally, Jimmy moved in and grabbed Langly, holding his arms to his sides so Spike could deftly pluck the roach out of between Langly's hair.  
  
As soon as the roach was gone, Jimmy released Langly who shot out of his arms and begun wildly scrubbing at his hair. "Shut up! Shut up doohickie!" wailed Langly angrily.  
  
"What the hell!" The Director came racing onto the set, Langly's screams having alerted him to people still on the set. Seeing Yves, he ran over to her and grabbed her arms, a big smile on his face. "BABE! Those vocals are amazing. Have you ever thought of a job in the movies? " He ran an appreciative look over her curves. "Would you object to doing a little nudity as well? With that body and that voice, you would go far!"  
  
Yves stabbed the director with a withering look and said in her coldest voice. "Take your hands off me or I will remove them and feed them to you piece by piece."  
  
Jimmy, who had been about to pull the director off her, suddenly smirked when the director backed up, a cautious look on his face. He raised his hands in a conciliatory manner. "Hey Babe; no touching, got it." He took a couple more steps back from Yves, maintaining a safe distance as she looked as if she really would rip his hands off. "Babe, Honey," he began once again. "I can make you rich with just a scream."  
  
"I am already wealthy," Yves said in clipped tones, "and if you call me babe one more time, you will end your miserable life as a soprano."  
  
"Uh, yeah, right, sweetheart -"  
  
Jimmy quickly intervened, lightly placing his hand on her back. "Hey Yves, come with me to the gift shop." He continued to talk quietly to her as he guided her away from the director. She threw a murderous glance at Frohike who was still laughing hysterically before she followed Jimmy off the soundstage.  
  
"It wa - was- wasn't her," Frohike gasped amidst his laughter, "who screamed. It was Langly." He pointed to the glowering hacker. Langly had moved as far away from a puzzled Spike as possible.  
  
"You," the director asked amazed. "That was your screaming I heard?"  
  
"So what?" Langly mumbled casting furious looks at Frohike.  
  
"It was awe inspiring." The director gushed. "I want you to scream for my movie." He glanced at Langly, grimacing and rushed to say. "Not be in the movie, just scream, you know dub the heroines screams."  
  
"Bug off, dude." Langly muttered.  
  
"Sir, My name is John Gilnitz," the director said, "and let me tell you about residuals."  
  
"What," Langly said perking up, "is that like a paycheck?"  
  
"That and more," Gillnits said putting his arm around Langly's shoulder. "Lets talk numbers, babe." 


End file.
